What is my life? What is my purpose? Why am I here? What do I live and breathe for? What do I want my life to look like? What do I want my legacy to be? When I leave this world, what did I leave behind?
I believe these are questions that each and every person asks themselves at some point in their life. Some people choose to ignore these questions and just live. Others spend their whole life trying to figure them out. As for me, I know what my purpose is. I know why I'm here. I know what I live and breathe for.
My purpose here on earth is to love those around me. To share Jesus with them. Whether that be with my hands, my feet, my mouth, or even my eyes looking on people with compassion; that is why I'm here. I live and breathe to bring praise to the King of Kings, the Ancient of Days, Jesus. He doesn't just give my life meaning, He is my meaning. After all, He is the one who formed me in the womb, who knit me together, who knows the number of hairs on my head, who hears my every cry, who knows my every thought. He knows when I sit and when I stand, He is my creator.
Last night I was laying in bed, thoughts were running through my head before I dosed off to sleep. I think all my thoughts came down to this: Am I living out what I know my purpose is? Am I living whole heartedly for Jesus on a daily basis?
As I honestly reflected on this I recognize in my weakness that sometimes I fail to do this. Another part of me recognized last night that sometimes how I envision my life for Jesus isn't necessarily what He has in store for me. I have dreams, I believe we all do. I think we need to dream in life to keep vision and hope...but when we become so set on those dreams that we become closed off to what Jesus has for us in the today, then often we miss out on opportunities to share his love and truly live for Him.
I love to public speak, I love to spend time with the poor and needy, I love overseas missions and would love to do this in the future with my family. I love music and worship. I want to speak to thousands about Jesus' love for them and also impact their lives with offering my nursing skills. I want to advocate for youth who feel that they don't have a voice, and I want to hold the hands of those who feel alone. These are dreams of mine, all of which I believe are attainable and God given.
All of that being said, a part of me felt like I wasn't accomplishing any of these and I felt at a loss. But then in my Spirit I felt the Lord speak to me and remind me that my timing is not His timing but also that these dreams can be fulfilled every day. They may not look exactly how I envisioned them, at least for today, but they can be fulfilled. Let me explain...
One of the greatest things I will leave behind in this world, for a time being, is my children. Every day I have the opportunity to share Jesus with them, to teach them, to love them, to nurture them, and to simply live out my life for Jesus so that they may see Him. I get to hold their hands for a short time in this life, help dry their tears and also share in their laughter and growth. As their mother I will be one of their biggest influences in this world. With Jesus' grace and help I want to love them like He loves me.
Another way in which I get to live out these dreams is in my marriage. I have an amazing husband who works so hard for our family, who loves me and supports me. I get to hold his hand and heart throughout the rest of our lives. I am given an opportunity as his wife to be his main prayer support, companion, and to love him and respect him all the days of our lives. Don't get me wrong marriage isn't easy and anyone who tells you that it is, is lying to you. Marriage takes hard work, compromise, and giving. That being said, it is a gift like no other in this world. In a short year and half I have already grown as a woman and learnt so much about myself and about Jesus. Every day I'm learning how to love and respect my husband better, and I truly thank God for him and the life we have together.
So in light of all of these things I have written, I am finding a peace within my heart regarding my purpose in my life. I am a young wife and mother, at the age of twenty two I am married to my best friend, I have a beautiful son that is almost a year old, and in three more months I will hold our second child in my arms for the first time. Right now I can't be overseas speaking to thousands doing missions, and I'm still working on my nursing degree in the midst of having a young family. But with confidence I can say where I am is exactly where I want to be. Waking up every day beside my husband, getting kisses and snuggles from my little Isaac, and feeling the small kicks of my baby in my womb...not much beats that. When at school I have the opportunity to share Jesus with those who I study with. In nursing I get to hold the hands of the sick and hopefully not only help them with their physical needs, but be the hands and feet of Jesus and His good news. I get to cry with my patients and pray with them through their struggles. I have the opportunity to bless people at the grocery store when I'm running errands with my son. Since I am so blessed with a husband who provides for our family while I'm in school and raising our kids I get times throughout the day where it's simply quiet and I can pray for him, for our children, and for our world that is so greatly in need of a Saviour.
Truly I am living my dreams! I am doing my best to live out what I know my purpose is in this life. I don't want to take even one day for granted. I want to live each day to the fullest, even when that looks like being home all day changing diapers, making a meal for my husband, and playing with my son. This life is short, every day is a gift and an opportunity. I don't want to waste a single day dreaming of only the future when I can make a difference today. So one day at a time I will try and remind myself of all of these things, living them out to the best of my ability, giving Jesus the praise and glory all the way.
For truly, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" James 1:17 "And we know that in all things God works for the good for those who love him, who have been called according to His purposes"Romans 8:28
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