Abigail Turns One

A year ago today at this time I was just getting home from the hospital after the birth of our daughter Abigail Rose Doner. I still remember so clearly when the doctors put her on my chest as soon as she was born. A feeling I'll never forget. When Isaac was born I wasn't able to have this with him because he was rushed off to the NICU so I was so overjoyed to be able to experience these first moments together just gazing at each other.

 I still remember that day very clearly, or as clearly as you can remember after giving birth. My heart was full. We were blessed with the perfect addition to our family. Isaac was so proud to have a little sister and so many days he'd peek over her bassinet and just stare and point at her.

I can't believe a full year has gone by with our sweet daughter. I love every moment with her, watching her grow, crawl, babble, talk, and soon to walk. But I also chose to write this so that I wouldn't forget the gift that she is. Honestly when I take a minute to think about babies I'm truly amazed at the miracle that they each are. How God so uniquely forms them in the womb, cell by cell, day by day until we meet them face to face and instantly love them beyond measure. A love that is so pure and so strong. Makes me stop and think about how much greater the Lords love is for each of us. 

This picture of Isaac and Abigail makes me laugh so hard because Isaac just loved having his sister lay on him. I swear it was impossible to get a good photo of the two of them like this though. I know Abigail doesn't look the greatest but the joy on Isaac's face looking down at his sister makes this so special to me. I love watching these two grow together and enjoy life together.

Every month was special for us as our little girl matured and grew. 

I truly can't wait to see how our daughter continues to grow. I'm doing my very best to work on cherishing each moment and each day, even the hard and long days. 

Abigail we love you SO much, we are blessed that God gave you to us to nurture, grow, cherish, and love. 

Happy 1st Birthday Sweet Girl <3 

Running in Circles

This couldn't be more true. Thank You Jesus. 

Such a beautiful song.

There are days

There are days I feel completely overwhelmed with motherhood. I feel guilt over little things and guilt over big things. There are days I wonder how my children will turn out and I hope that what I do is enough to help nurture and love them into who God created them to be. There are days I feel like I'm falling apart at the seams and like I feel like hiding away for a week and just retreating. There are days I feel like being in school and leaving my children is selfish and not fair to them, and there are days I feel like I'm simply not good enough.

Instead of hiding behind a face of strength when I feel weak I've decided to stand up on my two trembling feet and face the truth about how I'm feeling. This morning was one of those days. I didn't want to kiss my kids goodbye in the morning and I didn't want to walk away in my own frustration. As I drove to my clinical placement I put on some worship music and prayed to the God who gives me strength when I have none. I finally found some peace among the chaos and was reminded that I'm never alone in this life and that I don't need to have it all together every day. It's okay to feel weak. I am human, I am a sinner and I am constantly in need of His grace. I am loved, I am a child of the King and I am strong because He lives in me. On my own I can't do anything, but with Him I can do all things. I can face the future with strength and joy. I don't need to feel guilt and I'm not failing my kids by going to school. He doesn't just walk with me through the meadows and streams of fresh water but he walks with me through the valley and sometimes he even picks me up and just carries me. For this I am grateful, for this I am blessed.

When you feel inadequate remember He is adequate, when you feel weak remember that in your weakness He is strong, and when you feel like falling to the ground remember He will pick you up and carry you. I recognize that today was a blessing in disguise, a reminder that I am not in control and that I don't need to worry about being the perfect mother. I just need to be an honest mother, a loving mother, a caring mother, and be a mother who can admit to myself and my kids that I do mess up and make mistakes and through this I can teach my kids that when they too face days like this they can run to the arms of Jesus and find the same peace, grace and strength I found today.

Forever grateful that God is in control, that God is love, and that I am never alone.

"Strength and Dignity are her clothing, she can laugh in the face of the future"

I Will Not Be Silent

I will not be silent, I will take a stance for life. I will love those who have already chosen death just as in my own sin Jesus chose to love me. But I refuse to be a bystander on the issue of killing innocent human beings. 

As I begin this post on Abortion I want to make it clear that my heart in this is love. Love for the innocent babies who are being killed, love for the woman who are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are stuck in fear, and love for the woman who have chosen to have an abortion and face the emotional heartache of it for the rest of their lives.

I know this subject is a very touchy one and I'm not writing this to convince you or start a debate, but I'm writing this because I want to be known for taking a stance for those who cannot take a stance for themselves. For fighting for life and for the things that break the heart of God.

Proverbs 31:8-9 "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice."

Is life defined by how big or small you are? Is life defined by how many weeks you've been alive? What defines life? Is a human being not made of 46 chromosomes? A sperm and an egg each have 23 chromosomes and when conception happens you now have 46 chromosomes, a human being who begins to grow.

For those of you who know me, or don't know me, just over two years ago I was faced with an unplanned pregnancy. I know the fear, I know the shame, I know the scare first hand. I've had my thoughts of abortion, I've had my thoughts of "What do I do?". But I also knew that inside my womb,  even at 5 weeks was a child, a human being, a baby who deserved life and rights just as much as I deserve life. Despite my own circumstance it was no longer just my body, it was two of us, two humans.

I don't understand how I can read in the news that people are making petitions to see 4th trimester abortion legalized. Truly, what has this world come to? When did we lose the significance and importance of life? When did it become okay to kill? I know that I am only one person and I cannot change the world or change abortion on my own, but I have heard the saying that what you wish you could do for the world, do for one. And I wish this was something that I could stop. That I could reach out to the hands of woman in fear who believe they have no other option, when truthfully they do. That I could be a voice for the innocent children who have no voice to speak their rights. That I could hold the woman who have had abortions and now secretly, quietly mourn the loss of what could have been?

I know I am only one, but with the voice I have, I will not be silent. I will take the stance, I will fight the fight. 

Little Hands & Little Feet

I am reminded today why I am so blessed to have children. I can say first hand it's not easy having two children under the age of 18 months, but it is so worth it. With sleepless nights, crying and tears, tantrums, and most often a dirty house it can get overwhelming at times. But with that also come the joy of little feet running down the hall, two little smiles that brighten up any day, giggles and laughter, little hands that reach up to me for a hug and snuggles, and small coos that make me melt.
Motherhood is hard, anyone who says its easy is fooling you. It's plain hard and messy. I'm only 22 years old and as I've said before many think I've given up on the joys of being young. It's true, I don't go out late anymore and if I do it's rare and usually means spending $50 before I even leave the house on a babysitter, I can't just randomly decide to go to a movie with my husband or friends, it takes a lot of planning, but this is all okay with me. I'm reminded that these little hands, little feet, little hearts, and two little children call me "Mother" and that to me is joy. I won't take that for granted for one day of this life I live.

I've learnt so much through being a parent about love, about sacrifice, about my need for self control, about trusting in The Lord, about patience, and about surrender. Often when we ask God for things like joy, strength, comfort or whatever it may be we think he doesn't answer or doesn't just give it to us. But I believe God gives us these things in many different ways, so take a look around and maybe the answer to your prayers is right in front of you.

When I look at my children, I know I have a lot to learn about being a mother and I also know I'll never be perfect. I'll make mistakes, I'll raise my voice, and I'll do the wrong thing sometimes. But by the Grace of God I will continue to grow and ultimately through this journey I will become more like Jesus and lead a life and example that gives Him the praise and glory.


I asked God for strength, and He made me weak so that I may rely on Him 
I asked God for joy and He gave me the gift of motherhood so I may learn to humble myself before Him 
I asked God for wisdom and He led me to His word so I may become more obedient and a better example to my children 
I asked God for freedom and He pointed me to the cross
I asked God for love and He stretched out his arms for me and took His last breath 
I asked God for patience and He gave me two children who need love and nurturing
I asked God for peace and He took away my shame with the sound of His name. 
And then I stood in awe of the King of Kings, my provider, the lover of my soul and all I could say was Thank You. Thank you for giving me exactly what I need when I don't even know what I need myself. You O God are faithful, and I place my trust in you. Thank you for my children: the little hands and little feet. In my weakness and failures help me to be the best mom I can be. 

No One Higher

Sometimes there aren't words to describe how you may feel. Sometimes life will throw you curve balls and you won't know what to say or do. Sometimes people disappoint you and this life leaves you uncertain.

Tonight as I opened my bible I was reminded that we don't always need answers or even words to speak. "The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." Romans 8:26  I was also comforted by the pure truth the Word of God provides, especially in a world where often the truth isn't spoken and honesty is limited. "Teach me your way, O Lord, That I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name." Psalm 86:11.

The last thing that I was reminded of tonight was probably one of the most important things I've been learning this year. I'll openly admit I'm not very good at putting it into practice but I am very much trying: When I feel down, confused, upset, or am battling something and I have no answers or words the greatest thing I can do is simply praise Jesus. Often when we linger in our sorrow, confusion or frustration we let satan have a foothold in our lives. I am by no means saying that it's a bad thing to be sad or upset, I'm just saying when that's all we can see or we let it totally consume us we get into trouble. I want to give Jesus all the glory and praise through every storm and in every day.

So just maybe you, whoever you are reading this, can be reminded like me that sometimes all we can do is Praise Jesus. I recently heard this song called "No One Higher" and it really resonated with me and helped me to refocus. I'll post the lyrics below and attach a link. No matter what you're going through in life may you always find the time to stop and worship the Most High God! With love and prayers, Maryse.            

                                             http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG68oaRkgGE

No One Higher 

Our Father, Creator

You hold our hearts together 

There's no one higher than you

Redeemer, Defender

Our great and mighty Saviour

There's no one higher than you 

You are always with us

Gracious to forgive us 

By your power we've been set free

And Lord we stand amazed in your presence

Astounded by your mercy and love 

Our hands are lifted high in surrender

Your grace for me is always enough

And there is no one higher than our God

There is no one greater than You

Let my life forever praise

The glory of your name 

There is no one higher than you 

Majestic in wonder

You reign with love forever 

There's no one higher than you

Your beauty, Your splendor

Your glory knows no measure 

There's no one higher than you

There is no one higher, no one greater, no one like our God

There is none more able, Christ our Savior, Great and Glorious. 

Trust in Trials

It's hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of becoming a family of four. This past year has been an incredible time of laughter, joy, and growth. Children truly are a gift from the Lord. I know speaking for both Peter and I we can't imagine our lives without Isaac. He lights up our every day, one smile from him can put everything into perspective. I've loved this past year as a family of three.

Last week I was put back on a partial bed rest with our second baby. I am truly grateful that I am not in the hospital this pregnancy and that I'm able to be home every night in the same bed as my husband and still able to kiss my sweet Isaac to bed. This in itself is worth the hardship of being off my feet and feeling quite useless/helpless at times. 

Today as I sat on the couch I put my hand on my stomach and just felt my baby move inside me. What a miracle babies and childbirth are. I know that so soon I'll be holding this second child in my arms.

Right now it's time for me to put my complete trust in the Creator's hands. After all, he created the heavens and the earth and all that's in it. Surely he holds my child in his hands as well and his timing will be perfect.